Reality Sets In
January 14, 2007
I spent the night with R last night. We didn’t talk too much about the pregnancy, just deciding that I need to make a doctors appointment as soon as I can. I wish I was twenty again, or even mid-twenty …I could be excited about this pregnancy then, but the reality is that I am old. I am forty-three years old with two grown and one almost grown daughters …and two granddaughters.
He made me breakfast and while he cooked omelets, I searched the web for anything that would help me clarify my thoughts because I still don’t know how I feel about this …
I went to a site that had a due-date calculator on it … and made the mistake of putting in the date I believe I conceived …placing me at about six weeks pregnant …with a link to photos. Not photos of a lump of cells, but photos of a fetus with webbed fingers and toes, eyes, internal organs…
R brought me breakfast and found me crying because no matter how firm I am in my decision to not continue the pregnancy if this baby is unhealthy …I don’t know that I can do it. How do you kill a baby?
